Just cropdusted the office
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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