I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
