The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
