I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
