Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
