Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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