Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
