So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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