you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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