I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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