home. puking in laundry basket.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?