I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
