Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
