Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
