Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
