Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
