don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
