Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
