why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just pee around me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
