you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
