What a fucking waste of an outfit
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize