exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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