You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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