The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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