almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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