Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You ruined the universe
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