Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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