I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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