his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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