i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
