I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
