Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Less talking, more tequila
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
