There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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