he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize