Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
