its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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