Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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