I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
