Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
