adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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