Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
