We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
