I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
