Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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