Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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