Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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