Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I made him laugh his dick is mine
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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