I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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