conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
