my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
