'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
