My room smells like vodka and shame
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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