your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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