my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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