i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
