So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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