I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
