I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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