I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
