Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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