turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
