I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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