Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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