WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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