Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
