i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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