I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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