I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
