So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
