I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
