im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
