PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
