Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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