i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize