Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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